We are so excited to be welcoming a baby boy to our family. It seems a little strange though to not be looking at baby girls things. This pregnancy has been a little bit difficult for me emotionally, not so much physical (that's not so much fun either). Let me start with that I am so grateful to be able to have children and to be a mother. I know so many women struggle with that everyday. I count my blessings for sure. Anyways, we found out we were pregnant the end of March and it was a surprise. I wanted to wait another year until Katelyn was older. So I was (am) feeling pretty overwhelmed when I think about caring for 4 kids. I am a very type A personality, I like things to be clean, organized and like to get things done. A lot of times that doesn't happen with children and that is a struggle for me just in general, that I am learning everyday that sometimes it just doesn't matter. Luckily I have Nathan for support and he helps me so much. Then the beginning of May Nathan was called to be Elders quorum President. Really I said, ok why not? But I know that it'll be hard but also very rewarding.
About a month before I found out I was pregnant, for some reason I was saying my nightly prayers and I just poured my heart out to our heavenly father. I was feeling pretty strongly the need to have another baby already but I didn't feel like I was ready. I am pretty good at not talking about the struggles that I go through with having diabetes. It is a struggle and trial I deal with everyday. It is so stressful when I am pregnant and I just dread when thinking about getting pregnant every time because of it. Before I became pregnant with Lilly my doctors told me that I needed to try to be done having kids by the time I was 31 because of how hard it is on the body. So I will be turning 30 this year, I think I did pretty good. (That is why my kids are so close together). But I felt pretty strongly that there was supposed to be a little boy in our family and I have felt that since before Nathan and I were married. I knew I probably couldn't have many more kids because of how taxing it is on my body. So I told my Father heaven to give me that little boy so I know that I could be done. When we found out that it was a boy I was so thankful! I know that our prayers do not go unanswered and he knows the intents of our hearts. I would have been grateful for a baby girl as well (I love my girls), but for me I would have felt I needed to keep having more children because of that little boy. I don't think I could go through that physically and mentally. I really wanted to just write my feelings down. I know how blessed my little family is. So bring on the kids ages 6 and under! I may be a little bit crazy for the next few years but that's OK. Someday I will be sane and it'll be all worth it ;)!
